Writers often struggle with dialogue between characters when writing a fiction story or novel. One of the biggest problems is telling a reader how a character is speaking instead of showing it. Dialogue and action must be intertwined within fiction writing to make the characters real to the reader.
The Incorrect Route
Imagine there is man named Henry standing at a convenience store counter who is in a hurry to check out. However, the clerk has her back turned and is chatting casually with someone, ignoring the job she is supposed to be doing. The following would be the incorrect way to do the dialogue between the two.
"Ma'am, could you ring me up please?" Henry said impatiently. "I'm going to be late for work."
Giggling, the clerk rolled her eyes at her friend and continued her conversation.
"Ma'am!" yelled Henry angrily. "I need to check out now!"
Turning to look at him, the clerk smiled.
"Did you say something, sir?" she said sweetly.
At first glance, you might not think there is anything wrong with this dialogue, but it actually cheats a reader out of a good reading experience. A reader should never be told how a character is feeling. The reader should be able to tell how a character is feeling through your punctuation, your words, and the action of your characters.
The Correct Route
Using the above example of Henry at the convenience store, the correct way to handle the dialogue between him and the clerk can be seen in the following example.
Henry hurried up to the counter, pop and snacks in one hand, his other hand reaching for the wallet in his back pocket. Dropping his purchases unceremoniously on the counter, he pulled out a twenty to hand to the clerk. Glancing up, Henry saw that the clerk had her back turned to him, chatting casually with someone. Shifting his weight impatiently, he looked at his watch and cleared his throat loudly.
"Ma'am, could you ring me up please? I'm going to be late for work."
Henry heard the clerk giggle and watched her shrug her shoulders when her friend nodded his way. Their conversation continued.
"Ma'am!" Henry said, slamming the twenty onto the counter. "I need to check out now!"
He watched the clerk turn, almost in slow motion, and felt his hand clench tightly into a fist. She looked at him with wide eyes which feigned innocence.
"Did you say something... SIR?"
In this encounter, you can easily see Henry is in a hurry, feel the agitation he is feeling and the anger and disbelief he experiences when the clerk does finally turn his way. There was no need to say, "Henry said impatiently" or "she said sweetly" as in the previous example. You could see the girl turning with big eyes and a fake, innocent smile while hearing the disdain in her voice as she said the word "Sir." This is dialogue. It shows action and feeling.
If you are struggling with dialogue, consider how we speak to one another. If you see that your child's room is a pig sty, you do not say, "I am saying this angrily. Get in there and clean your room." Instead, it is the tone of your voice and your body language that lets the child know that you are angry about the condition of the room and that you mean business.
Dialogue without Conversation
Occasionally, you can have dialogue between two people without any conversation at all, yet your readers will still understand what is going on.
Kathy sat at the bar, sipping her drink through a straw, watching Jackson over the rim of her glass. Jackson felt her eyes on him and looked up from his conversation, noticing her hand moving slightly to pull her dress a little higher on her long, slender legs. He raised his eyebrows at her and watched as she ran her finger slowly around the top of her glass, staring directly into his eyes.
It is obvious that a dialogue is going on between these two people even though neither one of them has spoken out loud to the other. You are, as the writer, showing your readers what is going on, allowing them to feel the emotion of the moment from both sides as well as understand the communication going on between these two people.
Use your skills as a writer to show your character's emotion in the action of the dialogue. In doing so, you will allow your reader to really get into your fiction writing, enabling them to relate with your characters and, perhaps, make it nearly impossible for them to put your novel down.
Source
- Learn to Write a Fiction Novel
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